Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Grandma 'Piggy'

As I sit here with eyes burning with dryness and pain from crying 90% of the day I cannot help but think of how much I miss my grandma. All day I tried to convince myself that it was for the better. She was 90 and had lived a full life. She was full of life. And at the end of the day all the memories of her (and some I had forgotten) came rushing back to me and I no longer had to convince myself that you were okay to leave us here...we are going to be okay and I think you knew that.

I tried to remember everything you were about....and none of that was the last 5 years. Let's be honest......at 85 you are not making your legacy....you've done that and you begin to co-exist amongst the world. You meet some amazing people who dedicate their lives to helping you keep your dignity. And although not all moments are ones to remember they are still moments that all family members appreciate.

I am thankful for growing up with you around, for teaching me things that you probably never thought twice about. For letting me make my own decisions but being there to guide the way. All those little things are what I remember.

It would be selfish of me to have wanted you to 'hang on' until my family travelled to see you in June. I kept thinking...I'm too late. But too late for what? To see you at 90? Because for me it's not seeing you one last time, it was about you seeing me be the woman I am, the mom I am and the beautiful great grandkids that are apart of you and your legacy. Being 'there' doesn't mean you are present....being present means you lived the moments, you felt the love and you gave your heart. I am happy to say whole hearted that I was present and I appreciate you being present in my life. You have seen me....you were proud of me and I know you are now here with me. I guess I should now be on my very best behaviour :)

I appreciate all the memories you have given me. It was always easy to be around you. Never have I ever felt it to be a chore to visit. I loved your apartment....my secret stash of Barbies and Cabbage Patch Dolls, what I thought was the best fold out foam bed/ fort that ever existed. I still remember that pull out couch that I used to sit upside down in and you'd pull it and roll me out......to this day I am still unsure of how you even rigged that up. You are the only person I know to have been on Weight Watchers your entire existence and do it for the socialization......what did you lose on that?...5 lbs in 30 years??? Love it :) The spoons......you will always be remembered for that. My grandma played the spoons in a band! Okay....maybe not a band but she held down the beat at the Thursday night line dancing in the seniors hall. AND you rocked it at my wedding...talk of the town :)

I'm also going to take this opportunity to apologize for the whole Grandma Piggy name. I swear it wasn't because of weight....but my other grandma was just a teeny thing. Now that I think about it I could be the reason behind Weight Watchers....sorry Grandma Piggy....but I really do think it's the cutest name :)

You were a strong woman that I am so proud to have a part of in me and I can only wish to someday be the grandma you were.

I love you with all my heart...always have and always will.

Rest and be free....my amazing Grandma Peggy :)

Xox
Amanda

 
4 Generations
My Mom, my Grandma, Norah and myself

3 comments:

  1. Sorry to hear about your grandma piggy...I loved the part about not being 'too late' to visit one last time. It's so true - it's not about seeing her, it's about showing her what an amazing woman and mom you are, and I'm sure she knew that. So nice that you have that family picture.

    xoxo

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